11: What is Gender Discrimination?

To repeat: Harassment and discrimination are similar but different and sexism may involve either or both. Harassment may involve teasing or bullying while discrimination involves unfair employment practices such as hiring or pay inequality based on gender or due to other differences. 

     So let’s return to the question of sex-based discrimination or formerly known as sexism. I worked in a female dominated career and so I didn’t experience much of what I’ve read about since, or experienced in the online world which could be described as sex-based discrimination. However there were a few years where I experienced non-sex based harassment or discrimination by a few co-workers and a manager so I am familiar with the stress that can be involved in having to work in a hostile environment. It also involved some mistreatment by clients by one of the co-workers and I did manage to work my way into a position where I changed policies to help prevent the mistreatment from occurring or making it less likely to occur. 

    The definition of “sexism” in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary (11.sexism) includes the phrase “discrimination based on sex” but doesn’t include the word “harassment”. The second part of the definition describes behavior that might be harassing to another person however:

• "Definition of sexism. 1: prejudice or discrimination based on sex; especially: discrimination against women. 2: behavior, conditions, or attitudes that foster stereotypes of social roles based on sex." (11.sexism)

A survey of physician-scientists revealed that females do report experiencing more gender bias and sexual harassment than the males included in the survey, (11.1):

• "Jagsi and her colleagues surveyed 1,066 physician-scientists about their career experiences, including questions about gender bias, gender advantage and sexual harassment. Women were more likely than men to report both perceptions and experiences with gender bias: 70 percent of women versus 22 percent of men perceived gender bias, and 66 percent of women versus 10 percent of men said they experienced gender bias. In addition, 30 percent of women compared to 4 percent of men said they had experienced sexual harassment." (11.1)

In the ideal world the bedroom and boardroom would be totally separate places but the real world can intrude. Instincts or personal motives might lead to feelings and situations that interfere with work and can negatively affect reputations of individuals and businesses.

     In that ideal world what helps one relax and let off tension in private may have nothing to do with abilities or business skills - and therefore looking only at a person’s business skills and ignoring private matters would be an open acceptance without being biased by a certain gender or sexual orientation.

     Sexism instead might include expecting that certain styles of wardrobe or body language indicate certain personality traits or whether that person is likely to have business skills or instead need to be hidden away in the bedroom of the mind and dismissed from the boardroom due to being a distraction - that would be sexism and discriminatory in an equal opportunity program.

     The impression a business gives within advertising campaigns can negatively affect a consumer's purchases or trust in the company. Discrimination of women within advertisements, portraying women or girls as sexual objects more than in real life roles, was found to negatively affect a viewer’s interest in buying the product and negatively affect their impression of the company. (11.2)

     Businesses may fire employees for behavior that may be misconstrued as discriminating against others as a precaution against the risk of a negative impression for their customers.   

A company fired an employee for writing a memo about gender differences having some basis in biology and that the amount of overtime and lack of family time was a factor in success for men. The employee was fired for the stated reason that the memo promoted gender stereotypes however the rights of women and men were discussed. Having clear guidelines in policies can help protect the worker and the business. The simple fact that internal company business was posted publicly could be a clear reason to fire an employee if that policy was in writing for the business and was made clear to the new employee in a staff orientation training session. 

     Retaliation protection laws can protect ex-employees from bad reviews after they are no longer working for the company so talking negatively about an employer or a staff member can lead to legal trouble in some cases. Before discussing any gender issues, some resources for businesses and employees help provide legal advice to prevent retaliatory lawsuits from occurring by having clear policies and procedures in the first place and for staff to be aware of the written and the unwritten policies or “unspoken rules” of the business and its employee culture; an example of Employee Culture: If most of the staff support a certain sports team, then it is a good idea to not show up on game day dressed in support of the other team - unless your goal is to set up some friendly rivalry - in which case it might help promote the friendly aspect of the goal to bring along some tailgate snacks for the whole crowd.

Some resources with legal advice for businesses and guidance for employees:

1. Watch Out Anti-Retaliation Laws May Protect Ex-Employees, Too., theemplawyerologist.com, (11.15)
2. Things You Didn’t Know Could Get You Fired, investopedia.com, (11.16) 
3. Avoiding Defamation in the Workplace, Giving References and Disciplining Employees While Avoiding Liability., corporate.findlaw.com, (11.17)
4. 15 Signs That Your Job May Be at Risk and What To Do If It Is, forbes.com: (11.18)

Firing someone for trying to share opinions and ideas seems somewhat discriminatory though, whether the memo is made public or not. Later in this section I address some of the same ideas that were brought up in the memo regarding overtime and the rights of parents of either gender and regarding basic biological differences with examples from hunter-gatherer culture and other groups from more recent history. The memo-writer is not alone either, another writer has commented on the pay of previously male dominated sectors of the computer programming tending to drop when more women are filling the role, read more: We Can Teach Women to Code but That Just Creates Another Problem: (11.9), and the trend has been noticed industry wide for the average rate of pay to drop after more women are filling a job role. (11.8)

     A variety of statistics regarding gender and employment are available from the AAUW,The Simple Truth About the Gender Pay Gap (Spring 2017). (11.10) 

     Motherhood; an overall tendency by women to not negotiate for higher salaries; and the overall tendency of businesses and managers to undervalue the work and abilities of female employees are three big reasons that the wage gap still exists according to an article from Fortune.com: Wage Gap: 3 Big Reasons It Still Exists on Equal Pay Day. (11.11)      

     History and common  sense suggests that women may be better at precision detail work - at the level of the population average rather than for the individual. Men may be better at larger more physical action and strategic teamwork type of work - on a population average rather than for the individual. Size alone can be part of the specialization, a petite woman has petite fingers capable of fine precision. 

     When, at what age, a task is taught is also important, threading a needle can be difficult for an adult to learn compared to a child whether the child is a boy or girl. The task would be yet more difficult for a man with large hands to try to learn for the first time. While the larger size and arrangement of the hips and arms give the man extra strength and leverage to do large physical tasks which would be quite challenging if not impossible for the petite woman to perform. 

     Just pay both people well would be my goal, budget in advance if both jobs need to be completed then it should be at a livable wage. And pay both workers equivalently for the time they need to perform either job rather than “deciding” (aka: discriminating) that threading needles will be a poorly paid job and changing tires will be a highly paid job. Both workers should also be given reasonable personal time to spend with family whether a father or a mother or a single person. 

     Social contact is healing and helps us resist the negative effects of emotional and physical stress. Oxidative stress and its effects on the body and benefits of social contact are discussed in more detail in the Glossary section G3. Relaxation & Stress. 

Hunters and gatherers were specialized in their roles based on gender. Think of the task of “gathering” berries, it is very precise and delicate work. The fruit is small, you have to coordinate your eyes and hands and not smash any over ripe berries. “Hunting” is more physical and might be boring while on sentry watch would be exciting during the physical chase and sometimes is would be an actual fight with the primitive tools that were available to slay an animal instead of having it end up hurting you while it was trying to protect itself. 

     Equality existed in that each gender were in charge of the management of their own roles - different leaders for the different areas of life. Inequality exists when the people who do the work have no autonomy, no right to control how they do the job or comment on how the recommended strategy is working. The Merriam-Webster definition of the word "equality" includes the phrase "sameness in quality, power, status, or degree" which would mean that employees should all have the same right to share opinions about the best ways to accomplish a task or to modify a procedure. The first part of the definition of equality, “a: sameness or equivalence in number, quantity, or measure,” would suggest a requirement for the same pay per hour or equivalent bonuses for all employees of a similar role no matter their gender or other legally protected differences. (11.80)

• "Legal Definition of Equality: the quality or state of being equal: as a: sameness or equivalence in number, quantity, or measure b: likeness or sameness in quality, power, status, or degree. " (11.80)

When workers feel they can’t speak up about a potentially unsafe or illegal issue then unsafe and illegal issues very likely won’t be reported. The topics of communication and autonomy are also discussed in more detail later.     

     Promoting workers based on who is willing to not have free time is discrimination against parents of either gender. Policies that promote workers based on their willingness to work overtime regularly or travel away from home frequently is discriminating against the rights of fathers and mothers to spend time with their family, and affecting children’s right to have quality time with their fathers or mothers.

     Until what is happening is recognized it can't be changed as easily.

     Parents need flexible time to be able to meet their child's emergency needs, in addition to maintaining their own health. There is also a natural desire to spend time with a partner and children as it gives the meaning and purpose to life to be able to share it - and it is physically healing to each of them to be able to share time and affection.

     Oxidative stress causes negative chemicals to collect which touch and thoughts of a loved one can help detoxify - literally. See the glossary section G3. Relaxation & Stress for more on the topic. Depriving your employees of personal time with their families is depriving them of their personal health care at a metabolic level - that seems discriminatory or like bad economic planning - or both.

     See the glossary section G5. Pre-eclampsia & TRP Channels to read more about what 8% or more of pregnant women might want to do each day for twenty to thirty minutes to help protect their infant and their own health. Relaxing in a yoga style position in the evening is easy but on a work break a private room might be nice. Pregnant women might have health benefits from some extra break time to reduce the effects of stress for the baby. Women could use the room designated to be set aside for the use of employees who are breastfeeding mothers. The room availability was a provision of the Affordable Care Act. (11.81) Pre-eclampsia can be life threatening for both the mother and the infant or cause prematurity which can have increased health care costs for the rest of the child’s lifetime.

     There are biological differences between the genders. That is a fact.

Definitions and statistics from a presentation on Gender Equality by Anne-Maria Yritys, (78 page, 11. 73), plus a little math and additional statistics, provide a grim look at the disparity between the poverty rate for females and violence against females. 

• Worldwide women make up 70% of the world’s poor. “Gender equality is a matter of equal rights for both genders.”  (UNA Finland 2017)

Inequality between genders can affect children and men also. What if a woman is the sole provider for a family with a father who has a disability and is unable to work? Poverty increases the risk of violence for women and girls. Economic stress in the household with a female as the sole provider for children and a male who is out of work or disabled might increase risk of violence for all of them due to the stress and possibly pride in a male who is unable to work or to find work.

Council of Europe, Safe From Fear, Safe From Violence: 

• “The lower socio-economic status of women in society, patriarchal attitudes and customary practices aimed at controlling women’s sexuality help to perpetuate violence against women.” (11.74)

CEDAW: The “Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women was adopted in 1979 by the UN General Assembly,” (UN Women 2017), and 185 countries have ratified it. (Amnesty International 2017) The U.S. is the only industrialized nation that has not ratified the CEDAW. (UN News Centre 2015)

• Feminism: “the belief in the social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.” (Encyclopaedia Britannica 2017). 
• Women’s Rights: “Fundamental human rights including the right to live free from violence, slavery and discrimination; to be educated, to own property, to vote and to earn an equal wage.” (Global Fund For Women 2017) 
• Domestic violence: “Power and control, coercion and threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation, minimizing, denying and blaming, using children (as tools), using male privilege, economic abuse.” (Council of Europe 2016, 11.75)
• Violence against Women: “Ill-treatment in detention, police violence, rape & sexual abuse, risk of ill-treatment in case of expulsion, female genital mutilation, honour crime and ill-treatment by the family, risk of trafficking or re-trafficking, social exclusion, violence by private individuals.” (11.76)
• Gendercide: “The systematic extermination of a particular gender.” (All Girls Allowed 2017). 
• Femicide: “Intentional murder of women because they are women.” (WHO 2016).

World Health Organization (WHO) Global Plan Of Action 2016: 

• “Every year, homicide takes the lives of 475.000 people, 80% of whom are male. 38% of all murders of women are by an intimate partner, or an ex-partner.” (11.77)

The math: That would be 380,000 males and 95,000 females killed by homicide on an annual average basis, with 36,100 of the females being killed by an intimate or ex-partner. The global average, 96% of homicides were found to be by males (11.78), suggests that the 380,000 homicides of males are mostly (96%) by males rather than by females.

• “Much of violence is the consequence of social norms, such as violence against women and girls being acceptable (it is not acceptable). Violence against women and girls includes violence by intimate partners and family members, sexual violence by non-partners, trafficking (incl. sexual and economic exploitation), femicide, acid throwing, sexual harassment in schools, workplaces, public places, on the Internet and on social media.” (11.77)

WHO Global Plan Of Action 2016, Consequences of Violence Against Women and Girls (VAWG): 

• “Physical injuries, mental health problems including depression, anxiety, and PTSD, suicide, disabilities & a higher risk of noncommunicable diseases incl. hypertension and cardiovascular diseases. Women & girls exposed to violence have sexual and reproductive health problems: unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted infections, gynaecological problems. Exposure to violence, as a victim or witness, can result in social, emotional and behavioral problems, especially detrimental for children and youth. Law enforcement is weak in terms of violent acts; few women and children access services in case of violence.” (11.77)

Read more: Gender Equality Presentation, (78 page, 11. 73).

That is the existential question posed by Shakespeare in the play Hamlet, “To be, or not to be, that is the question,” to live or die? “To die- to sleep. To sleep- perchance to dream”? (11.82) 

The question of who gets to decide who lives or die, or how they will live, is asked regarding the rights of women versus the rights of multiculturalism by a Pakistani writer, Khadija Khan, who is currently living in Germany. If the question is being decided by men or family and community members about another person’s ability to control her or his own life or even to live or die then it is a question that is plaguing everyone whether they realize it or not, whether it affects their dreams or not, because inequality of women affects children and the nourishment and prosocial or antisocial attitudes of the next generation.

     Who do you want to be your caregiver if and when you are in a residential facility totally dependent on someone else for your every need? 

• A person who has a secure childhood attachment and who is trusting and kind - prosocial? 
• Or a person who has an anxious or avoidant attachment style and who may be suspicious and likely to have a version of the Golden Rule that is the opposite of kind and trusting: “Do unto others before they do unto you,” meaning they are likely to have a tendency to always take the offensive action and they might “throw the first stone before the other person has a chance to react,” - antisocial?

Khadija Khan shares a concern about the safety of women and girls there and elsewhere where Islamic Law is being upheld. In more and more developed nations, within private courts that are separate from the nation’s own legal system, women and girls lives may be forever given over to a rapist who wants to marry his victim instead of receive a punishment - who is being punished? Allowing a nation’s citizens to go unprotected out of a respect for “multiculturalism” is not respecting the nation’s traditional culture or it’s own history of enforcing certain rights for its citizens and guests. Read more: Victimizing Women: Islamic Laws vs. Multiculturalism, (11.78) 

To return to a previous section, group control of behavior is common around the world in primitive cultures and using modern technology does not make the behavior any less primitive. In the U.S. justice is supposed to be delivered in a court of law with a trial by a jury of peers not by private courts or family or community groups. Vigilante justice and lynch mobs are responding to group think and mob mentality, (7.39, 7.40), while honor killings are about the group or family not just about the individual and may even be without the individual’s knowledge or desire. The individuals may be in a Romeo and Juliet situation where neither family or social group approves. 

     Teaching children that shunning or ostracizing others in real life or within the virtual community is teaching them that bullying just up to the point of physical violence is socially approved and even expected - is that what we want to teach them? Research suggests that as a form of social control shaming individuals in a public or counseling setting actually does not work to help the individual change the undesirable behavior. (9.26) 

     Shaming one member of a group can serve to humiliate and control the group. Less equal societies, with a group of wealthy elite at the top, may be more likely to use humiliation as a control tactic. (9.24) Human sacrifice in ancient cultures was found in a recent anthropology study to be more common in societies that also had greater inequality between the rich and poor. (9.25) 

     Our modern competitive society has many cultural ways that single out a single “winner,” one individual who is most “deserving,” from many many contestants who also have exceptional skills. A more collectivist society might prefer a competition show with teams or a group project where the quality of the overall project is the deciding factor for the “win.”

From the previous section:

• 7.1.2: Going farther back in history, fairness between all members of hunter gatherer groups was a norm and bullies and special treatment for high-status individuals might have been met with disapproval and repercussions from the group. Gossip can be a form of group discussion and way to make group decisions. Behavior that was not approved of in primitive hunter-gatherer groups might have been met in similar ways around the world including: “collectively subjecting miscreants to criticism, shaming and mockery, ostracizing and shunning, refusing to share meat, nonlethal physical punishment, expulsion from the group, or as a last resort, killing the person (done either by the whole group or by a designated executioner).” (p325, 7.3) 
• "Judicial killings,” executions/killings decided and carried out by the group, were noted in nearly half of pure hunter gatherer groups by Christopher Boehm in his 2012 book Moral Origins: The Evolution of Virtue, Altruism, and Shame. A group might resort to execution after all the other methods of social control had failed. Behavior that might warrant judicial killings in primitive hunter gatherer groups included: “Murder, attempts at grabbing power, use of malicious sorcery, stealing, refusal to share, betrayal of the group to outsiders, and breaking sexual taboos.” (p323, 325, 7.3)

It has been noted in social science research that during times of economic or environmental stress there tends to be more violence against minority groups and women. The amount of infectious disease or other health problems in a group may also increase the risk of violence against minority groups.The instinct to protect against outsiders might be stronger during times that seem unsafe.  (9.11, 9.12) 

Gender expectations from our past may be involved in the different rate of pay that is seen between genders in modern business and between the number of female and male managers and leaders, (11.5), and difference in number of women and men hired in some industries. (11.6) Changing pay rates and employment statistics won’t happen simply by hiring more females though, listening and following their decisions is also necessary.

     Males and females tend to communicate differently and have different values regarding teamwork so differences in pay and in the number of leaders of one gender or the other may vary depending on those differing values and communication styles. Men may ask for larger salaries or bonuses as a signal of greater power or respect of one individual or company in comparison to others with a smaller CEO salary, while women valuing collaboration and family-time more, may ask for more flexible hours or onsite childcare.      

     Theoretically the ancient matriarchal style hunter-gatherer cultures shared leadership roles in different areas of expertise. While we can’t know what people did in ancient times, modern groups that still live primitively suggest that gender roles do naturally exist. Males were the more expert hunters and women were the more expert gatherers and caregivers for the younger children. The amount of calories provided by the gatherers was more consistent and plentiful than the occasional protein provided by the hunters, so respect for each other’s expertise was the norm in the early days of human history. 

     Nutrient analysis suggests that while intake would vary with the season, the nomadic lifestyle would follow where the best food was in season, and gathering may have provided about 65% of the calories and hunting provided about 35%. Protein availability could be a very large part of the diet at times of abundance, some excess could be dried and preserved as jerky. Protein made up 19 to 50% of calories at times and finding adequate variety of other types of foods with important trace nutrients was likely difficult. Cereal grains were not really used in primitive diets unlike in our modern diet. (11.7)

• “A recent analysis showed that on average fruit represents 41% of hunter-gatherer diets, seed & nuts 26%, underground storage structures (tubers, roots, and bulbs) 24%, and other plant tissues (flowers, gums, leaves) the remaining 5% (4).” (11.7)
  

A merit based system would pay for the hours worked and value produced rather than the image an inflated salary or bonus might present to competitors. Women are paid less than men for equal roles but jobs that employ primarily women or start to employ more women also tend to become less well paid once more women are associated with the job. (11.8, 11.9) 

     More education for women doesn’t seem to help, the pay gap between females and males exists across the range of education levels. While women earn more when they have a college or professional degree the percentage that they earn in comparison to males with an equivalent amount of education actually worsens. Women with some college, a high school education or less earn 74% of their equivalent male counterpart on average while a woman with a four year or more advanced college degree earns on average 74% of her male counterpart.  Other parameters are also presented graphically in a report by the American Association of University Women (AAUW), The Simple Truth About the Gender Pay Gap (Spring 2017): (11.10)     

     However a closer look at how much women earn suggests that it might actually be mothers who are being paid less. A single career woman may earn closer to her male counterpart’s wage. Speaking up and asking and negotiating for a larger salary is also important for women to do. If paying a man a larger salary makes a company look successful then shouldn’t a larger salary for women also boost the company’s reputation as profitable enough to pay their employees well? (11.11)

     Women valuing collaboration may think they don't need a larger wage, they care about the company's success, but they may benefit from trying to look at it from what might be a more masculine perspective - a larger wage might lead to more confidence and productivity for the worker and lead to even better success for the company.

     Based on the hunter-gatherer’s contributions to their family’s nutrition it would make sense to pay mothers and women more - 65 cents for women and 35 cents for men out of every dollar. Before getting outraged though, as a nutritionist I would support the (alleged) matriarchal viewpoint that calories (or dollars) aren’t the only thing that is important and that both contributions are equally important, with a 50/50 split for the pay day. The reason nutritionally that both contributions are equally important is that they add up to a balanced diet. Either contribution on its own would not be as nutritionally complete.

     The gatherers would have spent many tedious hours doing fine detail work gathering berries or digging starchy root vegetables for their contribution of 65% of the calories and they would be providing essential carbohydrates which provides energy in the form of starch and sugars. Trace nutrients in the form of a wide variety of vitamins, minerals and antioxidant phytochemicals would also be provided in the varied flavorful edible herbs and colorful fruits and vegetables.

      The hunters would have had to work together in teams to look for large prey like deer while avoiding carnivores such as wolves in some areas, or in other areas they might travel solo looking for small game. Creativity and cunning would likely have been needed to trap or kill a prey animal with a primitive tool or avoid a larger carnivore. 

     The hunter’s contribution would provide essential fats and protein and a few trace minerals that would be less available in the gatherer’s plant based contribution to the hunter-gatherer diet.  

 Paying equally for differences, and valuing differences is my recommendation and goal; specialization has value, it saves time, adds efficiency and skill; nature is smart and repeats what works.

Biologically we have some differences that have value. But society hasn't been set up to pay equally or value those differences in the same way.

     Bringing up history is not to suggest we need to be in a 1950’s gender role mindset because there are some differences - on average, not to be compared to one individual’s potential, but on average some biological differences exist between males and females. Valuing those specializations equally and paying for them equally would be my recommendation.

     The economic problem is one of scale - fine detail work that takes many hands would be a large budget if paid as well as a single creative lead on a team might be paid. The argument for paying the lead more is that their’ “creative” contribution, assembling everyone else’s work, seems like a large task, it is bringing together a large task, however, could that creative lead possibly have done that large task exclusively by his or herself no matter what their gender? If the task involved many many people’s fine detail work putting together different parts of the project then how could one “creative” lead be responsible for the success of the whole project?

     So just change the pay rates, change the priorities on which pay is based, and plan the budget in advance. More hours of the fine detail work is needed so pay for it, divide the total hours needed and budget a good wage and benefits for all of the staff needed. Then  if one or two creative types are needed to assemble the whole project figure out what is left in the budget for their salary and maybe a “lead” bonus that will mean they are earning more than the larger number of workers, but the lead would also be getting some extra attribution and recognition of their creative role. Bonuses for the whole team at the completion of a large project or a party or some other ritual can help strengthen a team’s morale.(7.30)(11.34)

     The creative lead would do well to remember the larger team's work made the "creative" whole a possibility and that they couldn't possibly have done the "whole" job all by themselves. In a collectivist culture, which is typical for many Asian nations, the "whole" team would be more likely to be celebrated or chastised as a group for a project’s success or failure and it would bring shame to one person to have attention be brought on their role instead of the attention being focused on an achievement of the whole group. (7.3)      

     While I will be the only one to have typed this project it was made possible with the help of all the academics and writers whose work is referenced in the footnotes included in the Links & References sections. The software designers who developed the website and ebook graphic design also helped prompt my writing or thought process at times. Over the years online courses and blogs dedicated to helping content marketers and business entrepreneurs or leaders improve their skills have also made a large difference in my skills and added to the variety of resources that are included in this website. My health has been helped by information I’ve learned, it has also been harmed by stress from communication difficulties with navigating in the online and real world communities.

     Learning things the hard way can make it easier for everyone else to learn the easy way, if the information is shared. As our world has become more connected and larger with the addition of the virtual communities we are meeting more people and risk offending more people, but that can also be an opportunity to help or be helped by more people. Mixed communities of the future will include more diversity of cognitive skills as children with neurological conditions grow up and join the workforce.      

     Policies may need to be more blunt about expectations for behavior to help guide workers with less natural ability at social skills - and who might not understand and follow the social cues of “unspoken rules” - which can lead to upset coworkers - and a situation that might lead to harassment or discrimination against the worker who hadn’t grasped the unspoken expectations of their fellow coworkers and/or their management’s unwritten rules. 

     If you as a manager have rules - write them down, call it a policy, put it in a book or on a website and inform the workers - and -

 “That would be great.” (9.9) Thanks.

An unspoken bias may exist that suggests men as a “head of household” should be paid well while a woman as a mother should be home with her children and that “love” is not something that is paid for or it is cheapened. We seem to have a society that wants equality while also having unspoken rules that there are two types of women - nice girls and unmentionable ones. (11.12) That is discrimination based on sexuality or sexual preferences. If it is occurring in a place of work in the United States, then it would be “Sex-Based Discrimination.” (6.2) 

    What we really have is two groups of women - mothers and non-mothers and we have a large group of children living in poverty with a single mother as the "head of household," so modern businesses need to support healthy families of the modern era and pay women and men equally for equal work. Valuing our biological differences, and simply paying for hours performed, could help restore balance.

     Females may, on average, have patience and dexterity for precision, and for repetitious work - which may need to be performed by large numbers of workers - but who still deserve pay equal to the fewer numbers of workers needed for the larger picture, and who creatively put together all the detailed pieces at the end of a big project. (11.9) 

     Both types of workers are essential for the project - why shouldn't they all be paid well? Whether male or a non-gendered skillful person or a skillful female, shouldn’t all get paid for a job well done? Merit based systems would hire the one who was good at the job no matter what their gender.

     Until women stop putting a price tag on themselves and other women it will be difficult to expect men to stop doing so. Which leads to a different aspect of trust, and love - oxytocin. 

Returning to the list by anthropologist Donald Brown of cultural similarities found in common between groups around the world: "marriage," "kinship terms," "males and females seen as having different natures," "private sex,"  "distinctions between right and wrong, nepotism, prohibitions on certain types of sex, empathy, reciprocity, rituals, concepts of fairness, myths about afterlife," "prohibitions, gossip, binary sex terms, in-group favoritism,"  "symbolism," and "the linguistic concept of “and,”" (pp271-272,7.3) all might have something to do with a bias for monogamy.

     It turns out that there may be two types of people; not just women, but people in general may vary in how likely they are to remain faithful to one other person in a long term monogamous relationship. In animal species the activity of oxytocin receptors in the female and of the vasopressin receptors in the male was the critical difference in whether long term pair bonds were formed.

     When an emotional trust bond is formed between two individuals in the monogamous species an increased amount of oxytocin is generated and it has positive effects on mood. For the bonded pair more touch leads to more oxytocin and more good mood, so staying in close contact feels good - and more to the point without the emotional familiarity or whatever it is that is happening between two pair-bonded animals in the wild, they don’t get as large amount of oxytocin when touching other animals, so no feel good bonus - why bother straying?

     In the species that don’t form pair bonds the increase in oxytocin occurred with any other member of the species rather than only with one pair bonded individual - if it feels good, why not?  (pp 109-111, 7.3)

     How does this help identify who is more likely to have more vasopressin receptors or more faithful ones? Do they like dogs? Are they good with pets and children in general?

     Dogs also form emotional bonds and can have an increase in oxytocin with a familiar “loved one,” that they do not have with a stranger. (p 112, 7.3)      

     What is love? Trusting in someone enough to be able to release oxytocin or vasopressin when thinking about them or touching them? Cats also love and give affection but the difference may be in a "need" or "addiction" like response to the activity of the more monogamous species of animals or the dog's bond with a human compared to a cat's in that they seem to want the security at regular time intervals throughout the day, while a cat can leave for a few days and return again nonchalantly, or thin and hungry if it had been a few weeks.

     The human species is not known for life-long monogamy as consistently as some other species. Some people may just be different in how they respond to others and diversity is a good thing, discrimination is not. Health and touch, emotional support and comfort are all good things. Social contact has health benefits. Why not look at those aspects of intimacy and discuss safety and health and emotional protection instead of focusing only on shame, guilt or the potential spiritual consequences?, (“myths about afterlife”? (pp 271-272, 7.3) 

     A rush of oxytocin can feel like “falling in love” even if you don’t know the person. Protection from one’s own hormones is also a good reason for avoiding being in a private setting with someone you don’t know well. Our urges can be strong and overpower common sense. Once the oxytocin increase occurs it can be too late to regain common sense until something too negative to explain happens to break the “falling in love” feeling. It can help to reduce the strength of an emotional response to be able to verbally put a label to the emotional feeling. (11.49)      

     The verbal and nonverbal areas of our brain don’t naturally communicate well with each other - that is where social learning theory is seen in action again. We learn civilized behavior from our caregivers and our peer group.
 

Prohibitions against promiscuity may have helped protect against autoimmune disease - using condoms would be a modern option.

     Getting to know someone well before intimacy is better, as emotional pain can be just as physically damaging in some long term ways, as a physical assault might be in the short term if someone turns out to be unsafe. Taking more time to get to know someone before allowing yourself to be in a private situation with them may help prevent unsafe situations as time may have shown that the person isn’t trustworthy. Protection against sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy may also be helping to protect against autoimmune disease. 

     A cultural instinct or tendency towards pair bonding: “marriage,” and limiting sexual activity: “private sex,” and “prohibitions on certain types of sex,” (pp 271-272, 7.3); might have to do with promoting health for both the mother and infant by preventing disease in the short term in the form of sexually transmitted diseases, and in the long term in the form of autoimmune conditions that occur later in life but which may initially develop as a risk during a pregnancy. 

     Pair bonding may also promote the likelihood that a baby will be conceived. The male or female may produce antibodies against the sperm, which can increase risk of a spontaneous abortion occurring. (G.27) 

• For more information see: G. Autoimmune & Vit. D, click the button after this section. 

The verbal and nonverbal areas of our brain don’t naturally communicate well with each other - that is where social learning theory is seen in action, more on that will be included in the next section 11.4: Diversity in Childhood & Trust. We learn civilized behavior from our caregivers and our peer group. People with limited social skills and/or limited exposure to civilized behavior may not learn what to expect from others or how to recognize when they are being treated poorly or are treating others in ways that aren't typical. 

     A few unspoken issues put into words so others may learn the easy way, learned from books and personal and professional experience. This list is not intended to represent any person: 

1. Use of a condom or barrier method contraception can protect someone’s health (from autoimmune disease, STD, or pregnancy).
2. Being overly seductive, manipulative, and offering to rub someone’s shoulders to help them relax - right away upon meeting them, and talking about loving them and expecting them to say “I love you” back - after only a short acquaintance, might be a sign of insecurity or unrealistic views about loving with a secure attachment. Manipulative people may be unrealistic about how they are presenting themselves, they may be fooling themselves too. See the article “7 Signs You’re Not Mentally Strong, You’re Just Acting Tough” for tips for doing a reality check on your own reactions and motives. (11.50) More severe cases of fooling oneself may occur for people who have an unrealistic “false self” view about themselves. A “false self” is a term used in mental healthcare. A false self is like a bandaid persona formed by a child who was so traumatized by something, that they never fully formed an independent identity of their own and are trying to create the person that they feel a parent or society wants for them, or they don’t want to admit to some aspect of their identity so they are suppressing or pretending it doesn’t exist: The False Self in Borderline Personality Disorder and Pathological Narcissism. (11.20) See the section Trust is learned early, for more on attachment styles and resources for therapists or individuals.
3. If you withhold touch and affection and dole it out as a reward for good behavior, then you may have a bad relationship with yourself. - This may represent an “avoidant” or “anxious” attachment style, see the section Trust is learned early for more on attachment styles and relationships.
4. If you go out of your way to scare someone or put them in danger in order to teach them a lesson, then it is a bad relationship with civilized behavior. - “Language” was invented in order to work out differences in a civilized manner. (pp 271-272, 7.3)
5. If you repeatedly refer to past mistakes someone made or to personal traits that they can’t seem to change, then it is a bad relationship with good manners or it may be a need to overcome a feeling of inferiority in yourself. - Some people may need to feel superior by feeling that someone else is inferior, and in order to remind themselves of their own apparent value they may need to remind others of the other person’s or group of people’s apparent lack of value. An insecure attachment style can be modified with cognitive therapy or Dialectical Behavior Therapy. See the section Trust is learned early for more information and the Glossary and Resources section.
6. Blamers need to blame; nothing is their fault; they are never wrong. - so try to ignore it. (11.51) People with an avoidant attachment style might feel insecure about themselves and need others’ agreement with them in order to feel more secure - someone is agreeing with me so I must be right. However if the person is only spending time with people who have similar opinions, then they may never learn that a greater majority of people do not share their opinion, or if it is pointed out to them they may just see it as an attack and take it as confirmation that they and their minority are correct in their viewpoint and that the attackers are misguided or that they are just as bad and horrible as the blamer had feared. See the article Narcissism and Attachment theory. What is the connection?, for more information about avoidant attachment style and the tendency to blame others and anxious attachment style and the tendency to accept blame - to accept responsibility for others’ feelings or actions. (11.71) This combination as a couple may lead to codependency and may be more negative for the person with an anxious attachment style than for the person with an avoidant style. See the article How to Change Your Attachment Style: What is Codependency?, (11.72), for more information and additional resources for more information and help. The section 8.3 Types of Attachment Styles provides more information and additional resources regarding mental health and therapy are available in the Glossary and Resources section.
7. My first lesson in the concept that people do their own thing, and  that “normal” is different for everyone, taught me the unspoken lesson that Good spellers are going to spell things well and others simply may not be able to spell things correctly at all, so try to ignore misspelling - and use simple words when possible. I was baffled, and humbled, when I learned this lesson from a high school friend. I love dictionaries and may have been enthusing about them and she stopped me in my tracks with the simple point that if you don’t know the first few letters then you are never going to find the word. She did not like dictionaries. There are dictionaries for bad spellers that include common misspellings. (11.52.Bad Speller Dictionary) There are also picture dictionaries available for different age groups where you look for the picture and then a word and definition follow (11.53.Picture dictionaries online) but they are only for objects and simple concepts and wouldn’t be helpful for more advanced readers. The Digital Information Age has made spelling correctly less of an issue because the search engine offers suggestions for common misspellings, such as: “mispelling” “avialable.” However even a search engine wouldn’t be able to help if the person isn’t very close at all to the correct spelling of the word. A search engine also may not be helpful if you don’t know the word, which makes directories and glossaries of information helpful. See the Glossary and Resources section for more online dictionaries and encyclopedias. See section 5.4 PubMed.com - online database of medical research for more on the Digital Information Age.
8. “Omit needless words,” is a written rule in the classic writing guide “Elements of Style,” by William Strunk, Jr.. The book is available to read online: (11.54.bartleby.com) Why risk obfuscating a conundrum into a maelstrom of malevolent moodiness when you can use clear and direct language to discuss a situation instead?
9. Omitting needless words can be a good rule for good manners too. Ask yourself, “is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?” “Does it improve the silence?” before saying something or sharing rumors. Who to attribute the quote or concept to is somewhat unclear. Several writers (11.55,11.56,11.58) discuss its possible origins and variations; one of whom suggests not taking it to the extreme of being overly cautious and not sharing what you love and care about with others. (11.56) Another shares the advice and discusses the grapevine of heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend and compares the vocal and historical “heard it through the grapevine” network of gossip, (11.57.Marvin Gaye), to our even faster virtually boosted modern gossip mill that can build up and shred people or businesses within a few minutes or hours or days. (11.58) When a quote is hard to trace to any one person or place in particular then you have likely stumbled upon a core value of humanity - a concept that is a “cultural similarity” (p325, (7.3) shared by many people and cultures. The variations on questions to ask yourself before speaking are addressing tact and good manners which all would be supporting the concepts of “distinctions between right and wrong,” “empathy, reciprocity,” and “concepts of fairness.” (p325, (7.3) Proverbs, pithy sayings, sage advice from ancient writers or religions, and quotes are all examples of “best practices” or tips for getting along with others. See: Goodreads.com: (11.59); or Bartleby.com: (11.60); or Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations: (I.1); or BrainyQuote.com: (11.62); or RefDesk.com is an archive of other databases, enter a topic for a list of websites regarding the subject: (11.63); and I found a like minded spirit at ReligiousTolerance.org: “Let’s peace together our world.” - Itah Banda, age 8, (11.64). Research also suggests workers are more engaged when their boss or place of work has a “moral purpose.” See: Why Leaders With A Moral Purpose Have More Engaged Workers, (11.70) The topic of worker engagement and leadership will be discussed in more detail in the section 12. Equal-Op Policy.
10. Is it possible? We don’t know yet - why not try and find out? Sending a letter on an ocean going steamer took months, now we have quantum computing powered by entangled quarks which practically instantaneously transmit the information from one computer to another - we have reached the edge of the teleportation of information age but it is still early days yet. Who knows what is possible or impossible? Someone who thinks something might be possible and then tinkers with the idea long enough until they make it possible, that’s who. Two different teams independently developed a method that was able to “teleport” information by quark entanglement - and the teams achieved their success at the same time, roughly.  (11.65.google) (11.66.Canadian team) (11.67.Chinese team) 
11. We don’t know what we don’t know so other questions to consider are “is it dangerous?,” “might it hurt others or the environment?” “What are the long term consequences likely to be?” Sustainable use of resources is actually an instinct too, seen in the ingenious design of the Inuit’s halibut fishhook which is sized so that it is too large for fish young enough for the next year’s spawn and too small to hook a fish that would be large enough to capsize the small fishing canoe. Read more: Brilliantly Designed Inuit Fish Hook That Allows the Halibut Population to Replenish Itself, (11.68)
12. “The word for poetry in Inupiaq is the same as the word to breathe, and both derive from anerca, the soul.“ (11.encyclopedia: Inuit) 

We can learn a lot from each other if we listen to one another. Communication skills and the ability to understand the unspoken cues from others are learned during our early childhood from caregivers and from the peer groups with whom we spend time playing, learning, and doing chores or other work. Learning words to describe our emotions is an important task of early childhood and having the opportunity to share strong emotions and learn how to interpret them from more adult perspectives is easier to do as a child but helps later in life too. 

     Cognitive Therapy techniques are designed to help identify thought patterns that may once have helped protect a child in an unsafe or neglectful setting but which are no longer helping an adult navigate the daily needs of work and private life. 

     Communication, early childhood and trust, and gender differences in communication styles are discussed in more detail in the next section 11.4: Diversity in Childhood & Trust.

Confidence has been found to be a trait that is perceived more in males than in comparably experienced females when presenting ideas to a group of business managers. A CEO shared that he advances projects based on how confident the presenter seemed. But are the managers and CEO correctly identifying “confidence” in women or do they only recognize “confidence” in males? (11.42)

     A recent study based in Sweden analyzed how government venture capitalists spoke about the business men and women who requested financing from the agency. (11.42) 

     The results were significant, similar traits were described in more positive terms regarding male applicants and in more negative terms regarding female applicants; and male applicants were more likely to be approved and received a greater percentage of the financing they requested when approved:

• A younger male applicant on average was described as “Young and promising” while a similarly aged female applicant was likely to be described as “Young and inexperienced.”
• Males tended to be described as “experienced and knowledgeable” while females were described as “experienced, but worried,” or males as “cautious, sensible, and level-headed” and females as “too cautious, and does not dare,” or males might have been described as “very competent innovator and already has money to play with,” while a similar female presenting a business plan might have been described as “good looking and careless with money.”
• There was also a significant difference in the amount of female applicants who were denied any funding, and when funding was approved, there was a significant difference in the percentage of funds that had been requested and the amount that was awarded to male applicants in comparison to female applicants. Male applicants received a larger percentage of what they had initially requested than the female applicants who received some venture capital rather than being denied altogether. (11.42)

Should female entrepreneurs have to hire a male actor to present her ideas? Maybe. 

     That idea has actually been tested in the area of pharmaceutical sales representatives and medical continuing education. Research found that a male actor could deliver a very confident “continuing education” session to a group of physicians and receive excellent ratings even though the material that was presented was not real and was written with the intent to be vague - possibly in the hope that the physicians wouldn’t be fooled. (11.43) 

     It has been known in the business world since the early 1900's that people skills may be more important for ideas to become implemented than the technical accuracy of the ideas. Research from the Carnegie Foundation published in 1918 found that 85% of a person’s success in the business world had to do with their interpersonal skills and only 15% with their technical knowledge. (11.44) Interpersonal skills and confidence may win contracts but if the contract is for a product that is only 15% technically accurate, then just who is the winner? 

Overconfidence in a superior can be dangerous if it means employees in subordinate positions hesitate to share warnings. Conversations from the recording devices in airplanes that had crashed have revealed that some crashes might have been prevented if the warnings from copilots or other staff had been heeded instead of being dismissed by the captain. (11.40)     

     Testosterone levels may affect a person’s willingness to change their mind. An increase in testosterone has been associated in recent research with a tendency for the males in the study to be less likely to change their mind about an incorrect response (“their capacity to override incorrect intuitive judgments with deliberate correct responses.”). (11.45)

      In a different study testosterone was found to increase in response to psychological stress in males but not in females on average. And a greater increase in testosterone levels in the males was associated with the personality trait of openness of experience. In other research, in males, having lower testosterone levels was associated with more anxiety and irritability. (11.46) 

     Many hormones can have positive or negative effects depending on the person's tendency towards aggression or peacefulness and the situation in which they find themselves. Being overly tired and hungry and frustrated from a long day's work can make losing one's temper easy, and it may make it easier for some people than others due to differences in emotional coping skills or physical ability to control impulses. (For more information on hormones and gender differences see pages 99-265, 11.14)

     The ability for males to think clearly has also been found to be effected (on average; no study results about a group can predict an individual’s behavior) when they thinking about or being in the presence of a female they consider to be attractive. (47)

     Perhaps it is women themselves who need to be allowed to come out of the closet or the kitchen. If biologically, the thinking ability of men can be reduced in the presence of an appealing woman or when thinking about an attractive woman, then hiding women from men may have been a strategy that helped protect men from their own body's effect on their thinking ability. However, limiting participation of women in business and in leadership roles is restricting the value that women might be able to provide to the greater community if they were allowed more equality in visibility and the right to be heard in management or leadership roles.